So i've really gotten back into reading recently, and right now i'm reading Captivating by John and Staci Eldridge. I recommend it for any woman. It will encourage you and teach you things that no one has ever had the courage to say to you. Truths that will change the way you live and perceive things if you let them.
Today I was reading about Rest. It told of how beauty is found in a woman who doesn't strive to be something, but who is at peace in her life, and more importantly in her walk with the Lord. People are able to find rest in her; actions and words. She is welcoming and possesses all the qualities we want to have. She isn't consumed with anything but Jesus.
Oh, how I desire to be that woman. I want to give others rest, allow them to feel that when they are in my presence and I am in theirs' that I care about them enough to set aside everything just to let them know that my love is genuine. I want to sit, eat, drink, give joy, encouragement, refreshment to people.
But in all my desires, I cannot grab hold of what is that beauty. I know the importance of rest simply because I haven't experienced it. I feel vulnerable because of the limits I reach. I am weak in my ability to say no and limit myself because I desire to be more than I am. I desire to have more impact in others lives by my example and leadership. I am constantly overwhelming myself with my agenda and a ticking clock.
A woman of beauty is said to have no concerns but the present and what it holds, clearing her agenda for things more important in the moment doesn't hold her back and weigh her down, it frees her from worldly things and allows her to carry out the Lord's work in the moment she is presented with it.
I want that. All of it. I hate that I leave the house just before 7am everyday and don't get back home until after 9 or 10pm sometimes. Not to rest but to start the mountains of homework I have carried on my shoulders all day (literally). I accept every challenge even when I know i'm not superwoman. I want to impress people. I want to show them righteous living. But feel as I've almost lost sight of what that is. Even more I want to hear "well done good and faithful servant" on the day I stand before the Lord. I have let down every person that I strove to set an example for.
All I want to do as I stare at my Calculus homework and the countless other textbooks, assignments, blood drive papers, and student council meeting agendas is find rest in the Lord. To know that I am beautiful. That I am welcoming and not in vain.
{[ Living 1 Peter 5:7 ]}
