Turn

I've decided I am going to be vulnerable; not because I want to but because I believe God is working all things together for His good. Although I still expierence the pain of the end of our relationship (break-up, but I hate that word), I desperately want to see how God will use this. I have also realized the importance of seeing that scripture in it's entirely- God is working all things together for those who love Him- yes that includes me- but it also includes my neighbor, the widow at my church, and the homeless man holding onto hope. So maybe this pain is for something good in someone else's life, not mine. Which is why I will be vulnerable- because keeping everything inside does no one good and is not a kingdom mindset- so this is for someone- I hope my words, my story, something you stumble upon will cause God to be glorified.

By now, you might be able to tell that my faith is top priority; I grew up that way. My whole life has been themed with a pursuit of God and a desire to know Him more and for others to know Him through me. That being said, relationships were no different- especially romantic ones. From a very young age I began to pray from the Song of Solomon that God would guard my heart and not awaken love until it was ready and countless other prayers of my own to stay pure and whole for my husband, prayers for him and the man he would be- so many requests for what I believed would be the perfect relationship created by God for His glory.

In High School there was one boy who I liked, and who also liked me. We spend countless hours serving together and enjoying each others company. I was simply waiting for him to ask me to date- then came college and I kept waiting. Our friendship only seemed to be growing and we were inseparable. Unexpectedly, he called me to say I needed to stop waiting. Everything changed in that moment. I was deeply hurt and confused. We were so emotionally attached the coming months were difficult for me to handle things apart from him. I was also hurt when he started dating a girl shortly after and I continually fought with thoughts of worthlessness and shame because I wasn't good enough for him and she was.

Fast forward 2 years.

It is the summer before my senior year of college when a handsome man begins attending my church. Just like every other single girl out there, I was of course interested and wanted to get to know him. Over the next few months, we spent quality time together that confirmed the kind of quality guy he was. I wanted to know him more. He didn't pursue me and I was discouraged, constantly praying for God to remove the desires from my heart- to just forget about him and leave it as friends. But my prayers never died and my heart continued to grow fonder. I tried to end communication with him but it didn't last long.

After graduation, I moved home and our time together increased. We spent so many wonderful times together and I knew he was beginning to pursue me. With a lot of patience he finally asked me to be his girlfriend. And just like that I entered into my first relationship. I was cautious because of my past, I didn't want to become to emotionally attached or find my identity in him. But I felt God was saying YES. For the first time in my life- I saw a man who could be my husband. And boy, did that give me JOY. I felt this was the person God had been saving me for; this was the man on the receiving end of all my prayers- it made sense! It wasn't what I had expected but I knew God had it under control so with faith and trust I agreed to the relationship. That was the beginning of our journey...

One that only lasted 15 weeks. It wasn't all rainbows and butterfly's, but to me it was beautiful- this was going to be MY love story. And just like marriage- I knew there would be challenges and things to work through but I was more than willing to give it my all, to care deeply, freely, and unselfishly. And I did. To my own fault. He unexpectedly broke up with me.

I was left with no reason, no peace, and a sea of emotions: dissappointment, hurt, frustration, my old demons of worthlessness and shame. Oh I was angry. For two weeks we didn't talk and all I felt was pain. I didn't want to eat, I couldn't sleep, I didn't want to see anyone or talk. It was miserable.

And to be honest it still is. Over 6 weeks have past and I still hurt. Not a day has gone by where he isn't the first and the last person I think about in a day. I care about him far too deeply and I don't know how to handle it. I cannot engage in a friendship with him because I know my own hearts tendencies to love. And I cannot seem to care less. I struggle with anxiety every time I see him and fight to hold myself together. There has never been a season in my life so filled with tears as this. My caution and prayers seem worthless- my years of waiting- gone. I don't know what any of it was for.

I am broken. I am hurt. I am angry. I am a Christian. I am not perfect. And please don't ask me how I am, because answering in standard Minnesota Nice fashion GOOD makes me feel like a hypocrite. I am learning that God is not always clear, although I may question and call out to Him on my knees, he may choose not to answer. My situation and the overwhelming grief I am experiencing does not change who He is. Good is still good. You may wonder how I can declare that, despite what I am feeling- but I have come to realize these emotions are worldly things, these attacks on my joy and identity are the enemy trying to pull me away from my first love, from the one who will love me no matter my shortcomings- Jesus Christ. It is a decision to declare his goodness, to choose his truth, to believe in his promises. I decided years ago to place my faith in a good God, whose love for us so consumed him he sent his son in the form of a vulnerable infant to meet us where we are at. So I will wait here for God to meet me where I am. For His love to again consume my soul and bring joy and life back into my heart. God is an unchanging, constant God and His love remains.

Declare His truths. In the pain. Believe His promises. In the waiting. Sing of His Goodness. Through the trials.

Dear Lord, I pray for those who are experiencing overwhelming hurt and challenging situations right now. Meet them in their vulnerable place, speak into the darkness, breathe peace into their heart, comfort them and bring joy. Thank you for your unchanging love and the blessings you have bestowed upon us. Let us not forget the sacrifice you made for us to know you and the opportunity we have to know you personally. You are Good and I am thankful. Amen.

Winter

I have come to the conclusion

I am unwilling to stop praying, 

Incapable of not caring, 

And beyond forgetting.
Being eager to love is part of who I am.
I will not deny who God has created me to be.

Although your gentle and patient heart left scars on mine,

 Requiring more than time alone to heal.  

Despite all that rages in my soul, 

I am determined to find peace in the storm that blows within and declare: 

Thou has taught me to say whatever my lot it is well- it is well with my soul.

Graduation

About 3 years ago I made the decision on the college I would attend.

2 years ago I left North Central University for reasons I barely knew, trusting that God had more in store for me. My time at NCU was short but it was a season of preparation and foundation building. A season of growing and learning about my heavenly Father. I was able to focus on my faith and relationship with the Lord. It was a season that equipped me for all I would face in the coming years. 

I started at Minnesota State University Mankato that fall. It was a school I had never imagined myself at but the Lord's plan prevailed in my life. I learned about loving people in all circumstances and always seeking the Lord. I faced many challenges; I was surrounded by non-believers, critics, drinkers, but really just people who were lost and empty. Daily I made the decision to live for Christ and seek Him first. 

Through my obedience to leave NCU, a place full of Godly people I loved, God blessed me in huge measures. The way he wants to bless all His children who follow him. The same way He wants to bless you. 

Last week I earned my bachelors in Exercise Science at the age of 20 with the highest academic honors. When I decided to stop living by the world's standards, the chains fell at my feet and all I didn't think possible happened. 

In 1 month I will begin working what may very likely be my dream job. Serving people and showing them the character of Christ through my profession. I will have the opportunity to teach people to love the beautiful bodies God gave us and take care of them. 

Because of this job opportunity I will be able to stay in my precious hometown and continuing growing in the community that grew me into who I am today. I'm so excited for all that is in store for the future. I am learning that surrendering all my fears, anxiety, worries, and most importantly my heart to the Lord is the his desire for me and through full surrender God is able to do greater things than I ever could. 

God continues to move in my life and I'm learning to trust Him with all I have. May His plan continue to prevail in my life and in yours as well.

Jeremiah 29:11. 

Be blessed.

Beautiful Restoration

I have experienced two friendships that have been wrought with trials. Each person played a significant role in my life and knew me as well as I knew myself. I would be so bold to say they may have known me better than I did because I had allowed my identity to become so connected to theirs, I was no longer my own. When I allowed that to happen it left no room for God to speak truth into who I was or who He was trying to shape me to be. While both of my friends were strong Christians and frequently spoke truth, I had become blind to the plank in my own eye. My identity was not where it needed to be. I thought my heart was close to God while I was really failing to know my own heart at all. 

In time, those relationships crumbled until each one broke. There was nothing left but pieces and memories I wanted back. My heart hurt to the point of physical pain and I was lost in myself. Twice I went through losing my best friend with no understanding as to why. It took me two times to realize the mistakes I had been making and the pain I was causing. Emotionally I was broken and spiritually I was lost. These relationships could not be fixed in my own strength.

But I am sure of the faithfulness of the Lord and His promise to work all things together for the good of those who love him. The seasons of trial were refining fires. I experienced pain, grief, regret, anger, lonliness, and bitterness. Those seasons allowed for all the ungodly elements of our friendship to be removed. My pride was diminished and my love for the Lord increased. It required allowing God to heal, to speak, and to move in each if our lives. I finally heard the words He had been speaking to me, I heard the Father calling my name. 

After the season of healing began a season of restoration. Restoration in my life and the lives of my friends, but also in our relationships with each other. We learned to forgive and the patience required to do that. We learned to build our foundation on the Lord and to root our identity in Him. We learned to see each other how God sees us. 

Today I can see the process. I value each person so highly now. Our journey together has been hard but I truly believe the best is yet to come. By allowing God to move in our lives and see Him working in our past and in our present gives me hope for the future. They are both a huge blessing to me and I know I am better because of the fire we walked through. Last time we did it alone, next time we will do it together. 

Where I call Home

On a surprisingly beautiful afternoon in the middle of November, I found myself on a run in the heart of my hometown, reflecting on my stomping grounds.

I have tried to wander away from this home and to establish roots in new places but I have come to learn that none will ever grow as deep as those planted here. Deep roots allow a tree access to life-sustaining water and nutrients that will allow growth and health. Analogous to my life, this community does just that for me.

I was born here and 20 years later I am just beginning to realize what a blessing that was. My parents are two hard working individuals who have established themselves as members of this community, serving others in their profession and through various ministries. They have taught me the importance of giving of myself in humility, with love; but that is the nature of my community. This community is full of life and love. It is not uncommon to run into someone who is willing to stop to say "hello" or catch up on life since the last spontaneous meeting when I go out. Every summer, the community pulls together to rebuild houses of those in the greatest need.

The people in my community care about each other. The local church is passionate about serving God and serving people. I'm thankful that the greeters know my name each Sunday and the pastor takes time to ask how I am doing. My teachers in school always showed how much they cared and went above and beyond. There are always events and reasons to celebrate, to come together and support each other.

Although this may not be my home forever, I will always have roots here and I'm so blessed by that.

Wait

God I am desperate.
I am desperate for you and you alone.
My heart searches for your love.
I hunger for your word and truth.
I wait for your presence and listen for your voice.
But every sense is void of you.
I am in the waiting room.

While I sit, give me peace.
Sustain my heart, make it full.
Help me to surrender instead of take control.
Teach me to trust your timing.
Quiet the voices inside of me speaking lies.
Bless the dry season in the waiting room.

God I pray that when my name is called,
I will still be listening.
Take me only where you want me to go.
Lead my thoughts, direct my desires.
Remind me to praise you always.
I pray I will never forget the purpose of the waiting room.

Incredibly | _________

I AM INCREDIBLY __________.

You fill in the blank.
What first comes to mind? Is it busy, stressed, and overwhelmed? Or maybe it is lonely, unloved and sad.  How about tired, cranky, and frustrated?
We have all been in those places of feeling those different emotions. I know I have. More than once. But today I want to challenge you because I have been challenged.

We are officially in the holiday season. Thanksgiving is wrapping up and Christmas trees are being set up. This time of the year is unlike any other season or holiday or tradition we celebrate. People experience a wide variety of emotions and experiences during this time. Some feel the pain of those loved ones who have past and memories weigh heavy on their hearts. Others are reminded of the joy in giving and in spending time with people they care about.

About one month ago I heard a quote. It struck me, and has been on my mind ever since.
"We don't experience our reality, we experience our perspective on reality." What perspective are you choosing to look through? Is it one of grief and sadness? Or positivity and hope? Everyone sees the same situation differently because of how they are choosing to look at it. But that is the catch, I don't think most people realize they are choosing their own perspective, they just live with the one they have. After I heard this quote I started questioning my own "default perspective." Was it God-honoring? Was it beneficial? And although I saw somethings in good light, I often was looking at situations with a gray lens. Not seeing them clearly because I had subconsciously made a decision not to.

Today in church, we listened to the story of Ronan Thompson. Ronan was a beautiful 3 year-old-boy. Yeah, I did say was. Check out his story here: www.rockstarronan.com We also listened to Taylor Swift's song about Ronan, here is the link for that: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tvN7BOAQn9I (you may need a tissue). This story may be hard to hear. Ronan's lovely and courageous mother was willing to see this situation with a perspective most people wouldn't be brave enough to. "I really thought a miracle was going to see us through, but maybe the miracle is even getting one moment with you."
We choose how we look at things, how we feel things, how we experience things. Do you live like you are in control of your situation just by knowing how you look at that situation can change everything?

So today, I choose to say that I AM INCREDIBLY GRATEFUL.
I want my perspective to be one of thankfulness. Why are we so blind to our blessings? Our greed doesn't make sense. Our sinful desires are so limiting. I don't understand how we see the world we live in and miss the beauty all around. Search for it, seek it.

The apostle Paul writes in Philippians 4, ". . . I have learned to be content, whatever the circumstance."
I know that I haven't experienced the things that you have. I've never gone through what you have. I don't know if I ever will. And I will not try to act like I know what you're feeling, but I can encourage you to choose to see your situation in a new light. Remove the cloudy, gray lens. Ask God to help you see things clearly and experience your reality in the best way possible. It will not be easy and it will take time. Just let me remind you of Ronan's mom. She saw the miracle and she was GRATEFUL.

You may not be a Christian reading this, but let me share the truest thing I know: God's love endures forever. This promise stands today, tomorrow, forever. It always has been and always will be. Your circumstance may be burdensome but God's love transcends the pain, the suffering, the depression, the hurt. His love does not prevent you from feeling, but it keeps you living 1 Corinthians 10:13. And not just in this life, but an eternal life, if you truly believe it.
It is for that reason I will always be able to say I AM INCREDIBLY GRATEFUL.

Blessings | For real, be blessed. Psalm 118

If you want to hear a little more, tune in to http://placeofdecision.com/media.php?pageID=33 Thanks to Pastor Jeff Phelps for sharing such a truth-filled message.

Dear Grandpa

There would have never been enough hours to sit on your lap, drink your root beer floats, work in your garden, play games in your camper, go garage-sale-ing, or listen to your stories. It hurts so much to think that you've already been gone for 5 years. So much has changed since then. I hope you're watching from Heaven. And even more smiling that big cheesy grin, using Norwegian words, and making sure everyone has had more than enough to eat. Grandpa, you were the best. I pray that I never forget any of the special memories I made with you. Can't wait to see you with Jesus.

Psalm 49

My world is changing. And it's changing fast.

I've never experienced a lot of change. Going to college last year as a freshman was a huge change for me and it took me a long time to be comfortable, and satisfied with where I was; just about to the time I figured out that NCU wasn't where I was supposed to stay.

I know it was God's decision for me to transfer to a public, state school. He had blessed me with 18 years of amazing stability and a community people dream to have. But that was to prepare me for what was in store. God will always equip us with the tools we need to do His work, if we trust in His timing.

This experience will be one in a lifetime. It's only day five and my world view has been changed completely. I came here with the mindset that everyone is going to be terrible partiers, impure, and rude; altogether unpleasant people I would rather not spend my time with. I urgently wanted to find Christian friends to have fellowship with and grow relationships just like the ones I left behind.

And while I did find some of those assumptions to be true, I also found they are genuine people. They care about school and about each other. We've only been here a week and have ate more dinners together than most families do. Everyone contributes and they are so accepting. My apartment is already known for its open door, and a hot plate of food at dinner, and a couch to crash on if you need somewhere to stay.

Although I hear more about parties, alcohol, boys, and swear words than I would ever want to know, I have found myself beginning to love them. I am beginning to understand the love Jesus has for those who are lost and hurting. It isn't until you know the loss that you can experience the love. These college kids need Jesus. All they want is a carefree life, to have fun, and be wanted. I'm not sure when or how they are going to figure out that Jesus is the ultimate lover, that He will throw them the best party, and that He will satisfy their lives. But i'm praying they do and God will use me to make that happen.

"Hear this, all you peoples; listen, all who live in this world, both low and high rich and poor alike: My mouth will speak words of wisdom; the utterance from my heart will give understanding. I will turn my ear to a proverb; with the harp I will expound my riddle: Why should I fear when evil days come, when wicked deceivers surround me-- those who trust in their wealth and boast of their great riches? No man can redeem the life of another or give to God a ransom for him-- the ransom for a life is costly, no payment is ever enough-- that he should live on forever and not see decay. For all can see that wise men die; the foolish and the senseless alike perish and leave their wealth to others. Their tombs will remain their houses forever, their dwellings for endless generations, though they had named lands after themselves. But man, despite his riches, does not endure; he is like the beasts that perish. This is the fate of those who trust in themselves, and of their followers, who approve their sayings. Selah Like the sheep they are destined for the grave, and death will feed on them. The upright will rule over them in the morning; their forms will decay in the grave, far from their princely mansions. But God will redeem my life from the grave; he will surely take me to himself. Selah.." Psalm 49:1-15

Kingdom Builder

Dissatisfaction is something I find in myself a lot. I know I am not alone. For most people, there is always at least a few things they wish they could change about their life. We are human, we are sin-filled and broken people, so we must expect failure, brokenness, and discouragement at times.

But I want to be different. I don't want to escape from those things despite how uncomfortable they may be. I want to learn from them; to grow and gain wisdom.

I want to be more.

In my first semester of college at a Christian university, the phrase "your calling" was quite common. For many, there was excitement and passion in having the opportunity to share what God has in store for them, but for me it always seemed to leave a bad taste in my mouth and a twinge in my heart.

Initially, I decided the uncomfortable feeling I got was because I was afraid to put something in to words that I was unsure was God's word or my imagination. I never experienced a life-changing revelation revealing my purpose in this life furnishing peace that we all desire. But now I think it might be something different, God's message to me might not be clear because it isn't a clear message. I'll explain.

There is one purpose I crave to live out my entire life; to be a Kingdom Builder.
I have a home in His kingdom and that will forever be my permanent residence.
In this life, I don't want to be an arrow through the bullseye. A clean shot is something to be proud of, but a fiery explosion is a whole new class.

I will not be satisfied. I will not grow stale. I will not let my faith take a backseat.
I will burn with passion throughout my Entire life. I don't want to only be smart, only be healthy, only be creative, only be funny, only be serious, only be dedicated, only be truthful, etc.
I want it all. I wan't to be God-fearing, athletic, beautiful, smart, funny, talented, creative, joyful, caring, wise, truthful, honest, giving, passionate, driven, fearless, audacious, strong, patient, humble, hopeful, encouraging, inspirational, merciful, empathetic, respectful, honored, and loving.

You may not think it is possible, and you might be right, but to not try would be a risk I am not willing to take. You see, my role model figured it out, He exemplified each quality perfectly and I desire no less.

I want to display those qualities in my entire life because when I do, the Savior of the world will become more evident. I want to fulfill my purpose. I want to be a kingdom builder and I will make His name famous. I pray continually for God to carry out His will in my life, and trust that He will. I pray that my words will speak life and bring truth, that people will not see me but my savior. I will not take credit for the achievements of my own life, all glory to my father.

I have learned that there is absolutely nothing I can do about the fact that I am a sinner. It was my sin that caused the tears in Jesus' flesh, the piercing of his hands, and the hole in his side. I can't escape the reality of my old identity, but I can give praise, adoration, and glory for the new creation I have become. I claim Jesus as my savior everyday for it is only through Him that I am anything. It is through Him I have life and I want to live it to the full. I want to know all He has for me.
Don't settle for anything less than what He has for you.

Blessings. 

The famous four-letter word

I bet you can guess by the title what is on my heart tonight.
Yep, that's right.
L  O  V  E

What an extremely loaded word. We will never be able to fully understand what it means; we will never be able to define it; we will never perfect it; but we sure will know when we feel it.
For any of you who know me well, you know my testimony is flooded with love. I have known it well all my life from family, friends, and most importantly my Lord.

Tonight I don't want to talk about how much I am thankful for that or how blessed I am, even though it is true, but I want to share with you how uncontainable true love is.

I would be wrong to not point out the best example of uncontainable love the world will ever know. No matter how hard I try, I cannot understand why Jesus, perfect and blameless, fully man and fully God came to live in the very same world we live, to change lives, set an example, and then die. To die for people that don't deserve a chance at eternal life, dwelling in the glory of God. And that is even more reason to believe in uncontainable love, it can't fit into our heads, we can't wrap our mind around it. We could read Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John until our eyes become weak and it will never make sense. "We know what real love is because Christ gave up his life for us. And so we also ought to give up our lives for our Christian brothers and sisters." 1 John 3:16 But in those words are truth, life, and love. It is the greatest love story I will ever read. My love would do anything for me, He already did.

As I sit here and type, I feel as if I want to explode. I want to scatter love everywhere, I want to infect everyone with it, I want to to become contagious; uncontainable. And I believe I can. "Then Jesus told them, 'I assure you, if you have faith and don't doubt, you can do things like this and much more. You can even say to this mountain, 'May God lift you up and throw you into the sea,' and it will happen. If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer." Matthew 21:21-22. I will not limit myself because I was created for love; called to love, called to believe, called to pray, and called to have faith.

Think of the world around you. What comes to mind first? The heartbreaking news stories of thefts, accidents, homocides, and suicides? The brokenness of the people who aren't even news worthy; those with no money, no homes, no family, broken bodies, sickness, and pain? What about the celebrities who burn in the spotlights of the tabloids selling lies and airbrushed photos? Or maybe the beautiful teenage girl down the street who you see wearing black sweatshirts with the hood up at the bus stop? And the family who just lost their son to an overdose? No matter how hard you blink, no matter the tears that flow down your cheek, no matter your breaking heart; it will still be there.

So what can we do, for them, for all, for each? Love. Love unconditionally. "And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength. The second is equally important: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' No other commandment is greater than these." Mark 12:29-30
Un-con-di-tion-al: (adj.) not limited by conditions; absolute. Complete, unqualified.
How incredible is that? I am overwhelmed with joy at the thought that love can come so freely, and even more that I am able to give it freely, without condition. Everyone deserves to know and feel this indescribable piece of life. They NEED it. "This is the message we have heard from the beginning: We should love one another." 1 John 3:12. Don't withhold. I've learned giving love when it hurts is the most rewarding, because it is without regard to yourself. Love is beyond you, beyond them, purely from God. "Dear friends, let us continue to love one another, for love comes from God. Anyone who loves is born of God and knows God. But anyone who does not love does not know God- for God is love." 1 John 4:7-8

One song has captured my heart the past few days. It beautifully puts into words of worship and adoration our amazement of the Lord and His never ending love. It is lengthly but worth every minute, you won't regret clicking this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ilDudqAzDS4

I could write a book on this topic, maybe even fill a library. Someone else already has. But my message isn't to learn about love and what it is. No, I want you to feel it, know it, find it, give it, live it. 

There is nothing comparable to true love in this world. And I pray desperately that you will come to experience that personally and forever in eternity. "For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. For did not send his Son into the world to condemn it, but to save it." John 3:16-17

For Us Who Have Been Blessed

Last night, I lay wide awake in my bed thinking about the things I've been learning lately. While overwhelmed by the life i've been blessed with God started stirring my heart and so in some "holy-spirit creativity" I did my best bring life into words. Here it is:

"Seasons of blessings are for those who do not yet know of what lies ahead.
While we lay peacefully, sweet dreams floating through our head,
Our brothers and sisters toss and turn in their beds.
Life's trials become heavier and nearer is death.
But this is where we stand, far from that sinking sand to say:
He is here, do not fear.
His promises are true, He will bless you.
Our God is faithful, so come get full.

High and low we roll clinging to the little truths we think we know.
We seek comfort and love while there is nothing we sow.
Why not even try; it's because we are just an average joe.
Next step. GO.

Uncover that heart and let it bleed.
Only then will you start to plant glory seeds.
Peel away the skin that bares you from humanity
Cry like you are a part of this broken insanity.
Stop wearing the sash of a saint without a trace of taint.
Let the robes crumble to sackcloth,
Only then will you feel like you belong to the one on the throne.

We can't keep on living like drones because we were meant to make decisions, 
Not just follow instructions.
The guidebook of life speaks of selfish deductions.
Maybe you need an introduction.
It's not transubstantiation, but a new kind of creation.
Let it flow.

Walk like on water not cobblestone
It may carry you away but don't be afraid to go.
So put down the phone and pursue a little risk.
You may just get caught up in the wild abyss." 


So for any of you who read that, I hope it spoke to you in some way and maybe, just maybe you found it a little inspiring.

Running for the Kingdom: Result

I am fully aware that I did a terrible job of updating my totals everyday here on my blog, but I figured most of you would primarily see the daily updates on my Facebook event and truthfully updating that was a lot simpler and quicker.

So besides that, I had an incredible week. I was blessed so much by the pledges and the encouragement. God truly proved himself faithful throughout the week. I am entirely positive that I would not have been able to perform and record as many miles as I did the past week without His strength and your prayers.

I ran a total of 65 miles. This brought the total amount of donations to $442.50. The money was spread out between SCMYFC, National Youth for Christ, Grace Christian Kids Church, Feed My Starving Children, and Compassion International.

I know that each organization that received a donation because of the pledges and miles I ran will be blessed and further that the monetary donations will impact children and communities for the Glory of God. Being a Kingdom builder has been a reoccurring theme this fall in my life and as I continue to learn what that means, I know that this past week has made a small impact on His glorious kingdom and no matter how big or small the impact is doesn't matter as long as it is all to the honor of our faithful  heavenly Father.

This experience was more than I had asked for but I'm glad I didn't ask because I wouldn't have learned  what I did. Although I spent 9.5 hours running plus stretching and everything else, the sacrifice was entirely worth it. Physically I would have never though it possible but I am so thankful that I didn't question God, but bodily stepped out in faith and love this past week. I hope that my example will also be an inspiration to each of you that following God's plans will always bless you in the long run no matter how extreme or challenging they seem. And more importantly that if we follow Jesus's example of love we will learn that it doesn't come with conditions and it causes us to live audaciously. So don't be afraid, He will be with you in every step.

With love,
Kelli Jo

Running for the Kingdom: Day 1

Total Miles: 10

Total Money Raised: $85.00

Running for the Kingdom

Dear Friends and Family,

I have been at North Central University for over a month now. I have spent the majority of my time reading text books and the Bible, writing speeches and reflections, and most importantly praising the Lord. The community here is a wonderful place to develop and grow a deeper relationship with our creator, redeemer, and Father. Through this process I have become strongly convicted about what this relationship with the Lord means. We are all familiar with the stories and life of Jesus Christ and how it was anything but ordinary. I grew up with all the right phrases and coloring pages about who Jesus was, but knowing these and knowing Him are disparate. It is time for me to start living extraordinarily, consecrated, and maybe a little crazy because this Jesus kind of love just does. “Love doesn't recognize boundaries and never obeys the rules we try to give it. After Jesus arrived, God whispered to all of humanity. . . It’s your move(Bob Goff).”

My move; Throughout the past couple weeks an idea was planted and has been stirring me up ever since. An organization, Venture Expeditions, had a speaker at chapel. Venture’s mission is to “empower people to benefit the world and discover their souls through adventure-driven humanitarian efforts.” As most of you know I enjoy running quite a bit. In high school I wasn’t always able to be a part of the track or cross country teams because I have pain in my knees from running. Since coming to school, I have ran almost everyday. This past week it was again becoming painful to run because of my knees. While praying for healing and the ability to keep running, I realized that God doesn’t need to heal my knees because I have been running selfishly. I haven’t been giving Him the glory in every mile or accomplishment. So this is where the crazy comes in, I decided that if God would heal my knees I would run for something much bigger than myself. So one day I gave God the option that if he would let me run pain-free I would set aside one week to give everything I had to him. And He did. 

During the week of November 4-10, I challenge you to partner with me. I will be logging as many miles as I can. It is my request that you would pledge any amount per mile you feel led by God to give. In trying to choose an organization to donate the money I raise, I decided that I want you to make that decision on your own. Choose to give where you passion is. This will be a challenging and sacrificial week for me so even if you are unable to pledge I ask that you would still join by praying for me physically and also for organizations that will be donated to. 

Each of you have been influential in my life and helping me to develop into the Christian I am today. I am incredibly thankful for you and none of this would be possible without you. Now its time for me to take what I have been taught and run with it, literally. 

In Love, 

Kelli Jo 

Details:

• Pledges for miles will only be for those I record starting Monday, November 4 and ending Sunday, November 10, 2013
• I will record my miles using the Nike+ Ipod app
• Each day I will make my milage available to you through my Facebook and also through my blog, www.wordsofalovesong.blogspot.com
• I would like to receive your pledges, the name of your organization, and what they do by Friday, November 1 via my personal email, kelli.jo.sanderson@gmail.com I will then compile the list and keep a running total of miles and money raised. I will also post this information so all can be in prayer for the other organizations also. 

Some people

So sometimes, there are people in your life that just make you want to be someone better. I'm fortunate enough to know quite a few of those kind of people.

Their talent, ability, and even more the use of them make you sit in awe and amazement of the beautiful person God has shaped them to be. Lately there is one person in my life who I can't even begin to realize how inspiring he is.

I see him around school and he is always smiling and laughing. He seems to brighten everyone's day. He has so much natural talent, whether it is schoolwork, choir, drawing, or even leadership.

I have had the chance to watch him in numerous athletic events. His focus and dedication to a sport makes me believe that he isn't in the game to see the victory at the end, although he deserves it more than anything, but to better the guys that he is competing with and against. Even when the crowd is cheering his name and the coaches couldn't be prouder, and his parents' faces show their amazement of the boy they have raised into a man, his steps are with humility. He draws attention not to himself but to his team who has helped make it all happen. That is what I see. The superstar athlete who daily shows leadership in practice and will give one hundred percent at the least.

But that is not all I get to see. I get to stand next to him as he leads a hundred people in worship every week. Here, his heart pours out joy and love that is straight from the Lord. As his voice perfectly matches the rhythmic chords of his guitar, you know the Holy Spirit is carrying him and the Lord is smiling down, "well done good and faithful servant" on his lips. His prayers cry from his heart the desires of the Lord. He reminds us all that we need to live fully committed to the Lord, to seek his face, to fear him, and to trust him.

I can't even explain this man. It's incredible, his whole life. He is so talented. He is a leader. He is such a blessing. I think of him and all the other wonderful people I have had the chance to know, and it kills me to think that life will call me away from them so shortly. I pray that it is in God's plan for me to be a part of their lives in the future. I will continue to learn from example and pray that I can live for the Lord just as they do.

Rest

So i've really gotten back into reading recently, and right now i'm reading Captivating by John and Staci Eldridge. I recommend it for any woman. It will encourage you and teach you things that no one has ever had the courage to say to you. Truths that will change the way you live and perceive things if you let them.

Today I was reading about Rest. It told of how beauty is found in a woman who doesn't strive to be something, but who is at peace in her life, and more importantly in her walk with the Lord. People are able to find rest in her; actions and words. She is welcoming and possesses all the qualities we want to have. She isn't consumed with anything but Jesus.

Oh, how I desire to be that woman. I want to give others rest, allow them to feel that when they are in my presence and I am in theirs' that I care about them enough to set aside everything just to let them know that my love is genuine. I want to sit, eat, drink, give joy, encouragement, refreshment to people.

But in all my desires, I cannot grab hold of what is that beauty. I know the importance of rest simply because I haven't experienced it. I feel vulnerable because of the limits I reach. I am weak in my ability to say no and limit myself because I desire to be more than I am. I desire to have more impact in others lives by my example and leadership. I am constantly overwhelming myself with my agenda and a ticking clock.

A woman of beauty is said to have no concerns but the present and what it holds, clearing her agenda for things more important in the moment doesn't hold her back and weigh her down, it frees her from worldly things and allows her to carry out the Lord's work in the moment she is presented with it.

I want that. All of it. I hate that I leave the house just before 7am everyday and don't get back home until after 9 or 10pm sometimes. Not to rest but to start the mountains of homework I have carried on my shoulders all day (literally). I accept every challenge even when I know i'm not superwoman. I want to impress people. I want to show them righteous living. But feel as I've almost lost sight of what that is.  Even more I want to hear "well done good and faithful servant" on the day I stand before the Lord. I have let down every person that I strove to set an example for.

All I want to do as I stare at my Calculus homework and the countless other textbooks, assignments, blood drive papers, and student council meeting agendas is find rest in the Lord. To know that I am beautiful. That I am welcoming and not in vain.

{[ Living 1 Peter 5:7 ]}

Matthew 5

So it's midterm week at ALHS. And for every junior and senior taking any college classes, it means there are more tests than you can count on your fingers. More content than you think you could possibly squeeze into your brain, and not a second to give it a rest or shake out your hand cramp.

Being a senior, I feel like I know what to expect for this week. I can't even fit everything into my agenda but i don't seem to be worried. After all why in the world am I blogging when I have ump-teen tests to study for, a project to do, a birthday present to make, a trumpet to practice, songs to learn, and a job to attend to. But it seems that it is in these times, I find that I need God the most.

I am in constant prayer about keeping my head on straight and so many other things. I'm beginning to know how thankful I am for these times when I truly know that I can't do it without him. He fulfills His promises, letting me know that He listens, prayer works, and He will never leave me.

What more could I want?! I mean good grades are valuable and I really do care about them, but just the fact that the God of the entire universe is with my while I take my tests, study, drive, eat, sleep, whatever... just blows me away. Nothing else is should consume more of my time than God.

But I'm not perfect, and unless its fulfilling some work for school, I struggle to make time to get into the Word. I think my prayers also become more self-centered, praying for God to help ME do well on the test, and helping ME to remember the content of this Government flashcard. Maybe taking the time to pray for the success of someone else during these times will take us both farther than before.

And although we are all overwhelmed and exhausted I can't help but be thankful that we have a school to go to, we have huge textbooks to learn from, we have a bunch of teachers to give us crazy loads of work. I'm just thinking about how different my life would look like if I didn't have those opportunities.

Others my same age are stressed about being able to take care of their ailing parents, about having a job that will help meet the needs of their young siblings, about taking care of their own children, about having food to eat and water to drink.

I'm laying in my warm bed, in my safe house. I'm comfortable. What a <BLESSING!>. I have this beautiful computer that has helped make my school work easier and convenient. I have a job, two actually. I can eat whatever I want just about whenever I want. I'm healthy. I'm cared for. I'm loved.

WOAH. God is Great. I'm so thankful for all the studying I need to do right now, i'm so lucky and fortunate to have it.

"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father heeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" Matthew 6:26-27

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34

Psalms

Sometimes, well most of the time, I want to be able to sit down and play beautiful melodies not only from my finger tips but from my soul. I wish the music would flow from me like it was meant to be, like there was a purpose for it in my life. I wish my voice would ring out sweet harmonies and blend to make a beautiful chorus to the Lord.

I suppose (supongo) that its all possible. If i was meant to have that talent I would. Either if it come naturally or by dedication to the art of the music, has no bearing. I believe that God will equip you and then bless you with all the talents you need to serve him and bring him glory. In his time, if you let him.

There are so many things I wish to do, to make a difference. But I haven't done any of them and I don't know why. A lack of time, a lack of creativity and feasibility, or is it fear? But what would I fear in doing them if I am doing them for the glory of the Father? Maybe that i'm afraid that I would hear what he has to say to me.

I pray that the Lord will use me, but am I letting it happen? If I was listening to the Lord, wouldn't I be planning a half marathon to support world vision; or how about a girls retreat for the girls at crossroads and even outside its walls? They desperately need to be reached and it become known that they are beautiful, they are valued, and they are wanted. Our society is a powerful enemy that believers need to stand against in the name of the Lord. He will conquer all, so why aren't we winning? Are we not believing? Are we not praying? Where is our faith?

Maybe it's stuck in the "maybes." We all have them. Maybe one day I will plan that marathon, and maybe one day someone will reach out to bring light to young girls living in darkness. But maybe, just maybe, someone is listening. And they are letting God use them. I pray that they will be examples to all. And I pray that all fear that is not of the Lord be cast deep into the pits of hell so that believers will boldly stand and proclaim the good news.

And that news is the most beautiful music anyone could play. You see, we all have it. But its "maybes," fear, and deaf ears that we have also. I pray that we can overcome these and truly seek the Lord in all our ways.

I'm reminded how powerful prayer is, and its astonishing. I can't imagine what it could do, but He has a plan for every word. "Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge." --Psalm 62:8

Proverbs

I just need to get some stuff out and when its written, well typed, i can understand my thoughts more. And this very neglected blog page needs some spaghetti of thinking splattered on it.

Sometimes I want to know what would be in my head if no one else influenced my thoughts. Sometimes the things they say get to me. And then they get stuck. And now i'm starting to believe the little words of influence they had, have claimed my mind and left me worse off.

What frustrates me more is that their intentions when dropping little parasites into my mind isn't to eat off the bad, of their own intentions that I know not of. It kills me when even my believing Christian friends are the ones who add to my confusion and chaos of thoughts.

The times I just feel like a complete mess, I want them to be guiding me on his path. I feel as if i'm searching fervently for God's little words of direction and encouragement, and then i'm left feeling helpless.

Not once has my God abandoned me. But he has stretched me in my times of confusion. I just don't want to mess up. I want to be walking in his ways and not my own because i'm afraid of what could happen if I tried to take control of my own life. The pain and disaster I would have, puts fear in me that is uncontainable without the Lord's power.

I feel so many life-changing decisions being pressed onto me right now. Realization that i'm a senior and next year I will be leaving the only place i've known for the last seventeen years. I won't spend everyday in a community that has blessed me more than I could know. That I have to leave people that I never want to loose.

I don't want to let time and distance grow us apart. Because of them, I am who I am. I am sure of God and his presence in my life. I know that he loves me, but its so hard to penetrate my heart with the knowledge that that is all I need. I don't feel that i'm living on that. I wish I was.

Sometimes I just wish certain people were not just friends but family so that I would have to see them a minimum of twice a year indefinitely.

I'm scared. And I need to trust the Lord. I'm scared of the future and what it holds because it is so unknown to me. I'm scared of what i'm leaving. I don't want to leave and be gone. I want to be remembered, and missed not forgotten or replaced. I want to know that when I leave, I will have made a difference for the glory and furtherment of God's glorious kingdom.

I want to know that I hold a place in the hearts of my family, friends, coworkers, peers, and others. I want my intentions and thoughts to be pure. "My child, listen to me and treasure my instructions. Tune your ears to wisdom, and concentrate on understanding. Cry out for insight and understanding. Search for them as you would for lost money or hidden treasure. Then you will understand what it means to fear the lord, and you will gain knowledge of God. For the Lord grants wisdom! From his mouth come knowledge and understanding. He grants a treasure of good sense to the godly. He is their shield, protecting those who walk with integrity. He guards the paths of justice and protects those who are faithful to him. " Proverbs 2:1-8