So it's midterm week at ALHS. And for every junior and senior taking any college classes, it means there are more tests than you can count on your fingers. More content than you think you could possibly squeeze into your brain, and not a second to give it a rest or shake out your hand cramp.
Being a senior, I feel like I know what to expect for this week. I can't even fit everything into my agenda but i don't seem to be worried. After all why in the world am I blogging when I have ump-teen tests to study for, a project to do, a birthday present to make, a trumpet to practice, songs to learn, and a job to attend to. But it seems that it is in these times, I find that I need God the most.
I am in constant prayer about keeping my head on straight and so many other things. I'm beginning to know how thankful I am for these times when I truly know that I can't do it without him. He fulfills His promises, letting me know that He listens, prayer works, and He will never leave me.
What more could I want?! I mean good grades are valuable and I really do care about them, but just the fact that the God of the entire universe is with my while I take my tests, study, drive, eat, sleep, whatever... just blows me away. Nothing else is should consume more of my time than God.
But I'm not perfect, and unless its fulfilling some work for school, I struggle to make time to get into the Word. I think my prayers also become more self-centered, praying for God to help ME do well on the test, and helping ME to remember the content of this Government flashcard. Maybe taking the time to pray for the success of someone else during these times will take us both farther than before.
And although we are all overwhelmed and exhausted I can't help but be thankful that we have a school to go to, we have huge textbooks to learn from, we have a bunch of teachers to give us crazy loads of work. I'm just thinking about how different my life would look like if I didn't have those opportunities.
Others my same age are stressed about being able to take care of their ailing parents, about having a job that will help meet the needs of their young siblings, about taking care of their own children, about having food to eat and water to drink.
I'm laying in my warm bed, in my safe house. I'm comfortable. What a <BLESSING!>. I have this beautiful computer that has helped make my school work easier and convenient. I have a job, two actually. I can eat whatever I want just about whenever I want. I'm healthy. I'm cared for. I'm loved.
WOAH. God is Great. I'm so thankful for all the studying I need to do right now, i'm so lucky and fortunate to have it.
"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father heeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" Matthew 6:26-27
"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34
Monday, October 29, 2012
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Psalms
Sometimes, well most of the time, I want to be able to sit down and play beautiful melodies not only from my finger tips but from my soul. I wish the music would flow from me like it was meant to be, like there was a purpose for it in my life. I wish my voice would ring out sweet harmonies and blend to make a beautiful chorus to the Lord.
I suppose (supongo) that its all possible. If i was meant to have that talent I would. Either if it come naturally or by dedication to the art of the music, has no bearing. I believe that God will equip you and then bless you with all the talents you need to serve him and bring him glory. In his time, if you let him.
There are so many things I wish to do, to make a difference. But I haven't done any of them and I don't know why. A lack of time, a lack of creativity and feasibility, or is it fear? But what would I fear in doing them if I am doing them for the glory of the Father? Maybe that i'm afraid that I would hear what he has to say to me.
I pray that the Lord will use me, but am I letting it happen? If I was listening to the Lord, wouldn't I be planning a half marathon to support world vision; or how about a girls retreat for the girls at crossroads and even outside its walls? They desperately need to be reached and it become known that they are beautiful, they are valued, and they are wanted. Our society is a powerful enemy that believers need to stand against in the name of the Lord. He will conquer all, so why aren't we winning? Are we not believing? Are we not praying? Where is our faith?
Maybe it's stuck in the "maybes." We all have them. Maybe one day I will plan that marathon, and maybe one day someone will reach out to bring light to young girls living in darkness. But maybe, just maybe, someone is listening. And they are letting God use them. I pray that they will be examples to all. And I pray that all fear that is not of the Lord be cast deep into the pits of hell so that believers will boldly stand and proclaim the good news.
And that news is the most beautiful music anyone could play. You see, we all have it. But its "maybes," fear, and deaf ears that we have also. I pray that we can overcome these and truly seek the Lord in all our ways.
I'm reminded how powerful prayer is, and its astonishing. I can't imagine what it could do, but He has a plan for every word. "Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge." --Psalm 62:8
I suppose (supongo) that its all possible. If i was meant to have that talent I would. Either if it come naturally or by dedication to the art of the music, has no bearing. I believe that God will equip you and then bless you with all the talents you need to serve him and bring him glory. In his time, if you let him.
There are so many things I wish to do, to make a difference. But I haven't done any of them and I don't know why. A lack of time, a lack of creativity and feasibility, or is it fear? But what would I fear in doing them if I am doing them for the glory of the Father? Maybe that i'm afraid that I would hear what he has to say to me.
I pray that the Lord will use me, but am I letting it happen? If I was listening to the Lord, wouldn't I be planning a half marathon to support world vision; or how about a girls retreat for the girls at crossroads and even outside its walls? They desperately need to be reached and it become known that they are beautiful, they are valued, and they are wanted. Our society is a powerful enemy that believers need to stand against in the name of the Lord. He will conquer all, so why aren't we winning? Are we not believing? Are we not praying? Where is our faith?
Maybe it's stuck in the "maybes." We all have them. Maybe one day I will plan that marathon, and maybe one day someone will reach out to bring light to young girls living in darkness. But maybe, just maybe, someone is listening. And they are letting God use them. I pray that they will be examples to all. And I pray that all fear that is not of the Lord be cast deep into the pits of hell so that believers will boldly stand and proclaim the good news.
And that news is the most beautiful music anyone could play. You see, we all have it. But its "maybes," fear, and deaf ears that we have also. I pray that we can overcome these and truly seek the Lord in all our ways.
I'm reminded how powerful prayer is, and its astonishing. I can't imagine what it could do, but He has a plan for every word. "Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge." --Psalm 62:8
Friday, October 19, 2012
Proverbs
I just need to get some stuff out and when its written, well typed, i can understand my thoughts more. And this very neglected blog page needs some spaghetti of thinking splattered on it.
Sometimes I want to know what would be in my head if no one else influenced my thoughts. Sometimes the things they say get to me. And then they get stuck. And now i'm starting to believe the little words of influence they had, have claimed my mind and left me worse off.
What frustrates me more is that their intentions when dropping little parasites into my mind isn't to eat off the bad, of their own intentions that I know not of. It kills me when even my believing Christian friends are the ones who add to my confusion and chaos of thoughts.
The times I just feel like a complete mess, I want them to be guiding me on his path. I feel as if i'm searching fervently for God's little words of direction and encouragement, and then i'm left feeling helpless.
Not once has my God abandoned me. But he has stretched me in my times of confusion. I just don't want to mess up. I want to be walking in his ways and not my own because i'm afraid of what could happen if I tried to take control of my own life. The pain and disaster I would have, puts fear in me that is uncontainable without the Lord's power.
I feel so many life-changing decisions being pressed onto me right now. Realization that i'm a senior and next year I will be leaving the only place i've known for the last seventeen years. I won't spend everyday in a community that has blessed me more than I could know. That I have to leave people that I never want to loose.
I don't want to let time and distance grow us apart. Because of them, I am who I am. I am sure of God and his presence in my life. I know that he loves me, but its so hard to penetrate my heart with the knowledge that that is all I need. I don't feel that i'm living on that. I wish I was.
Sometimes I just wish certain people were not just friends but family so that I would have to see them a minimum of twice a year indefinitely.
I'm scared. And I need to trust the Lord. I'm scared of the future and what it holds because it is so unknown to me. I'm scared of what i'm leaving. I don't want to leave and be gone. I want to be remembered, and missed not forgotten or replaced. I want to know that when I leave, I will have made a difference for the glory and furtherment of God's glorious kingdom.
I want to know that I hold a place in the hearts of my family, friends, coworkers, peers, and others. I want my intentions and thoughts to be pure. "My child, listen to me and treasure my instructions. Tune your ears to wisdom, and concentrate on understanding. Cry out for insight and understanding. Search for them as you would for lost money or hidden treasure. Then you will understand what it means to fear the lord, and you will gain knowledge of God. For the Lord grants wisdom! From his mouth come knowledge and understanding. He grants a treasure of good sense to the godly. He is their shield, protecting those who walk with integrity. He guards the paths of justice and protects those who are faithful to him. " Proverbs 2:1-8
Sometimes I want to know what would be in my head if no one else influenced my thoughts. Sometimes the things they say get to me. And then they get stuck. And now i'm starting to believe the little words of influence they had, have claimed my mind and left me worse off.
What frustrates me more is that their intentions when dropping little parasites into my mind isn't to eat off the bad, of their own intentions that I know not of. It kills me when even my believing Christian friends are the ones who add to my confusion and chaos of thoughts.
The times I just feel like a complete mess, I want them to be guiding me on his path. I feel as if i'm searching fervently for God's little words of direction and encouragement, and then i'm left feeling helpless.
Not once has my God abandoned me. But he has stretched me in my times of confusion. I just don't want to mess up. I want to be walking in his ways and not my own because i'm afraid of what could happen if I tried to take control of my own life. The pain and disaster I would have, puts fear in me that is uncontainable without the Lord's power.
I feel so many life-changing decisions being pressed onto me right now. Realization that i'm a senior and next year I will be leaving the only place i've known for the last seventeen years. I won't spend everyday in a community that has blessed me more than I could know. That I have to leave people that I never want to loose.
I don't want to let time and distance grow us apart. Because of them, I am who I am. I am sure of God and his presence in my life. I know that he loves me, but its so hard to penetrate my heart with the knowledge that that is all I need. I don't feel that i'm living on that. I wish I was.
Sometimes I just wish certain people were not just friends but family so that I would have to see them a minimum of twice a year indefinitely.
I'm scared. And I need to trust the Lord. I'm scared of the future and what it holds because it is so unknown to me. I'm scared of what i'm leaving. I don't want to leave and be gone. I want to be remembered, and missed not forgotten or replaced. I want to know that when I leave, I will have made a difference for the glory and furtherment of God's glorious kingdom.
I want to know that I hold a place in the hearts of my family, friends, coworkers, peers, and others. I want my intentions and thoughts to be pure. "My child, listen to me and treasure my instructions. Tune your ears to wisdom, and concentrate on understanding. Cry out for insight and understanding. Search for them as you would for lost money or hidden treasure. Then you will understand what it means to fear the lord, and you will gain knowledge of God. For the Lord grants wisdom! From his mouth come knowledge and understanding. He grants a treasure of good sense to the godly. He is their shield, protecting those who walk with integrity. He guards the paths of justice and protects those who are faithful to him. " Proverbs 2:1-8
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